What a roller coaster our life has been for the last 2 months. My dh lost his job mid-Nov. and since I am a stay-at-home mom, this has rocked our little idealistic world. I, quite naturally, have turned introspective. Just what is it that God is teaching me? What is He requiring of me? And when can we get on with our lives?
So far, we have ridden the roller coaster of job prospects. The ups are fun. They are filled with possibilities. They are fertile ground for speculation and dreaming. Hope abounds.
But when we go through those down days...let's just say that things are not so sunshiny around here. When there are no job prospects or, even worse, rejections come, our attitudes turn south. It's as though our outlooks hinge on this one thing. Yes, I know they should not. But they do. And that's the honest truth.
So, what to do? I have 3 precious boys that deserve a happy home. I have a God who genuinely does have my best in His plans. I have a husband who has chosen to be in a covenant for life with me. And when I really get down to it, I know that I would not be walking (swimming!) through these deep waters of my own volition. My God knows me and knows that I like the shore. I like safety. I want to make a safe haven of my home and STAY.
But the drawback to that is that if I had it my way, I would never dangerously trust my God. My faith would never be tested. My service would only be of the lip variety.
Here's what I am coming to find: (now pay special attention...wait for it...wait for it) God is good. He has provided for His people through the ages and is not going to make an exception and stop with us. He loves me. And, most shockingly, is graciously allowing me to know Him in a new way through this experience. After 31 years of being His child, I am coming to know Him as my sufficiency. Period.
And, like it or not, I'm trusting without a net.